My PMDD has been HORRIBLE this month, so I am going to share the burden with the internet :)
So, this morning one of my co workers asked if I was feeling alright, I said “No. Worse than yesterday-but it’s fine” She asked if it was the flu or something. That’s when I decided to share my struggle of PMDD with her (I am not a very open person so this is something I am trying to get better about). My co-worker had never heard of PMDD. This was no surprising to me-most women haven’t, although it is a real shame. My hope in this post is to bring awareness to PMDD and hopefully help others not feel alone.
PMDD is an interesting disorder, it changes almost everything about me for a few days every month. Every freaking month! I would not wish PMDD on my worst enemy. Keep in mind I am in the midst of it right now so this is all very raw.
This is what happens to my brain when the PMDD kicks in:
- I hate myself: I start thinking I am fat, ugly, worthless, a disappointment, ungrateful, selfish, mean, a bad friend, a bad sister, a bad daughter, a bad wife, why would Husband even stay married to me…. and so on. Generally it is a deep spiral downward.
- I gain about 2 sizes in water weight (which you can imagine makes all this even better)
- I hate my home: more precisely I want to throw out everything I own and start living a minimalist life-which if you know me is insane b/c I have a ton of stuff and I LOVE bring surrounded by it all
- I lash out at Husband: he really gets the brunt of my mood swings and irrational behavior, I can hide it from others.
- I cry at ANYTHING: anything! I will start crying because I can’t get my sock off
- I want to cut my body off and live only with a head b/c the constant nagging pain throughout my entire body
- I want to be able to “just get over it and feel better”
- I do not want to work or eat, I only want to sleep and unfortunately I cannot sleep-it is so restless
Wow, sounds like a lot of self pity doesn’t it? I do not mean it to-I just want to share what this is like and some of the symptoms that can come along with this disorder.
A few things that help me cope:
- Period Tracker app (for Apple and for Android) This app helps me track my period and can even track intimacy and fertility if you like. I use this every time I go to the Doctor and they ask when my last period was. I LOVE it and it was FREE.
- Thinx Underwear–this is a new discovery and I cannot speak highly enough about them (they are NOT paying me or giving me anything to write this, I just found them and LOVE their products!). Not only is the underwear gorgeous, its amazing (keeps me light, dry, odor and worry free) but they also give back-what more could you ask for? I have 6 pairs with a 7th on the way. They are inexpensive in my book considering all the stress I have lost and all the comfort I have gained. Follow their inspirational Instagram here.
- A WONDERFUL Husband that gets my disorder, cuts me slack, ignores my crazy, and pushes me to stay busy and fight off the effects
- Keeping a sense of humor: I can make fun of myself and my mood swings and irrational thoughts-I think this helps lighten it a bit, at least for me
- Talking about it: keeping things a secret rarely makes them better-I believe that is true for this disorder too. If I can talk about it (with Husband, Mom, Sister, etc) I feel so much LESS CRAZY.
How in tune with your body are you? Do you pay attention to how you feel and what your body might be trying to tell you?